Is amazing how we adapt. I guess it's one of the most prominent features of mankind; you except new realities in a heartbeat. This is how we have colonized almost all parts of the earth, spanning from the hottest of deserts to the snow covered freezing arctic. I'm in neither environment, but nontheless this transformation… Continue reading Onwards and upwards towards new normals
Why would we ever want to call our bodies flawed? Why are our bodies policed and not under our own control? Why would we need to hide our bodies? Both having your breast removed and having a breast or nipple get problematised, in different settings, and both issues becomes accentuated in my position. Every time… Continue reading Fucking flawless
Cancer warrior! Fight to beat cancer! War on cancer!!! Framing the cancer encounter as war, using the above terms, indicates a winner and a loser. It implies that a cancer patient is either a soldier or a battleground. I think we need to use these words with caution. It has the backside that if you're not strong… Continue reading Paintball Warfare
Halfway through. My energy is seeping through me like finely grained sand in my hands. It's so damn hard. I come to realise I cannot be the person I normally am. Suddenly acts of courtesy becomes insurmountable. I've dropped most interactions with others. My friends are remarkably supportive and I really wish I had more… Continue reading Giving give and take takeaways
I was 19 years old when my grandmother on my mother's side was diagnosed with breast cancer. At this point she had her breast removed without reconstruction. She didn't receive neither radiation nor chemotherapy, possibly because she declined - but I'm not sure. Then there was spreading to the thyroid, so that had to be… Continue reading A heavy heritage
For anyone dealing with a crisis like this, you need to look at strategies to minimize the fear. Because it's such a great blow to the life you're living, it's crucial that you actively don't get sucked in the vortex of fear and despair. I have met so many amazing people online that send out… Continue reading Do you feel lucky, punk?
People can be so rude. I never cease to be amazed by this fact. They actually stand with open mouths and stare and turn their heads. Some people don't even conceal it; it's as if you don't exist to them. You're such a deviation that you're ripped of your humanity. You're not a person… Continue reading Do I look weird to you?
Bald and hairy legs. Not the definition of the perfect woman. More like a middle aged man. And nonetheless how I look now. Funny thing is that all this change in my appearance has only strengthened my self-esteem. It's as though all the things that could make me insecure before seems so tiny now, that… Continue reading Womanly wonder
To be in a waiting position. To never know how you're going to feel, is it still a good day or will things get worse? Second chemo done. Three days out. Prepared for feeling worse, hoping that I don't. So far everything's almost as good as it get in a way. Only one more of… Continue reading Colorful thoughts
I firmly believe that a part of the healing after a mastectomy, or any other body transforming surgery for that matter, is not only to get to accept your new body, but to have the right to love it. And even more importantly, to not be defined by this body alone. That requires confidence and… Continue reading The weight of cancer